Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
