I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
