Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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