Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
