he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
