I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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