Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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