If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
