McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
