im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
