This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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