and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
