After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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