walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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