Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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