I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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