Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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