On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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