Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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