I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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