Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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