if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
