i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
