My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
