My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
