i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
