I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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