If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
