Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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