and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
