turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
