oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
