So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
