My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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