if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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