He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
