Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
