Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
