I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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