is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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