I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
