thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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