piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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