I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
