The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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