It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
