please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
