so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
