my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
