We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
