my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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